It’s hard in the middle

83 days since injury
21 days since surgery

Everything was going well mentally, until the last couple of days.

It’s now three weeks since the operation and I am at the halfway point of being on crutches.

I have been mostly on my own for a couple of weeks. I am used to this and enjoy some solitary time but, in this moment, it’s not for the best.

Today I am feeling regrets of the past, fear of the future, and pity for my present.

The Past: Why did I not work harder at my fitness over the past few years? Why didn’t I switch from football to kitesurfing when I was still fit?

The Future: What do I have to get excited about now I won’t be playing football? Is it all downhill from here?

The Present: Why am I here again, doing these mind-numbing exercises day in and out? Why do I have to spend all this time when I could be doing something else?

In these moments, it’s tough. Really tough.

I know the right answers to those questions. I know how much I have to be grateful for. I know the past isn’t what I am painting, and that the future has more for me than I can imagine.

Yet, all of that doesn’t matter.

So, what I do in these situations is simple and hard. I take action.

You can’t think your way out of these emotions and moods. I don’t believe you should deny them, but you shouldn’t over-indulge them. Let them flow, and then push yourself to move on.

That’s what I did today. I spent extra time doing physio and cardio. I felt a little bit better for it, but that’s not really the goal.

The goal is to stick to my recovery plan no matter what.

It’s three weeks after the operation and everything is looking good. The swelling doesn’t look like it has gone down much since a few days after the operation, but it feels looser and there is no pain.

Yesterday was my third physio session.

Matthew introduced some glute, abductor, and adductor exercises. Everything is still going great and the extension is around 0 or -1 degrees.

We also worked on walking with the crutches, to check my gait. It is important to not pick up any bad habits at this stage, and we picked up on a few things here.

My ACL was reconstructed with a quad tendon graft. There can be some stiffness as this heals, so we introduced some basic massaging in the area and manual movement of the kneecap. I will do this myself daily.

I put together my exercises in a plan for the week, which you can check out here:

This has been a tough week so far, but I know it won’t be forever.

I will just keep taking action and let these feelings flow through.

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