Here comes the swelling
It is only now, almost two days later, that I start to notice some swelling.
I can still walk steadily and use the stairs normally. My leg will go to full extension but it now takes a bit of effort with this new swelling.
I have done some light cardio on my assault bike, to keep my body and knee moving. There was no pain, but I had to adjust the seat to be higher so I am not bending my knee too much.
The swelling in the left knee is not as bad as my previous ACL ruptures, but it’s there.
Even though I don’t yet have a full diagnosis, my mind has already moved onto planning my recovery. I had made plans to be in Denia, Spain for three months with my girlfriend Sandra from October 2023.
It’s supposed to be our first step to moving in together and starting a new chapter of our relationship. We will have to adjust the plans, and there are many questions; When could I get surgery? How long until I can fly? Can I do my physio in Spain?
We decided together that I should get the surgery as quickly as possible, and make everything else work around it. Every day I am not training is a day of lost fitness which makes the recovery harder.
More importantly, if there is meniscus damage that can be repaired it should be done as quickly as possible for the best chance of it healing.
I am in a positive state of mind right now. This will be a challenge, but it will be rewarding and there is a clear goal to reach. It’s another chance to practice discipline and to grow, physically and mentally.
There will be dark days, I am sure. I have already had tears, and been through the emotions:
- Fear – will I be able to get through this? will I have to give up kitesurfing, snowboarding, and hiking?
- Anger – why did this happen to me? why did I chase down that ball so aggressively in an easy friendly game?
- Doubt – have I got what it takes to recover this time?
- Depression – is it all worth it? What is the point in even trying when it keeps ending in devastating injuries?
I am sure I will revisit those emotions again, but this time around I feel mentally stronger and able to process them.
The key to dealing with negative emotions is to give them space and show them respect. They are valid, they have a purpose, and I give myself permission to feel them.
Once I have truly felt the feelings, I can process them with a positive logic that eases them away. For example:
Fear – will I have to give up sports? It is always a possibility, but there is no way to know that now, so there is no need to think about it. All I can do is focus on the next step of recovery and give it my all.
After they slowly fade away, I am left with a little bit more strength for the next time they come.
My next step is to see a physio on Tuesday. It is a necessary step but the conclusion will likely be; “There is some damage, we think it’s XYZ, but now you need an MRI scan”.
I am not hoping for a miracle. I am prepared for the worst.
